Balance

Life is a constant balancing act.

 

I have been struggling with balancing all that there is to be done in my daily life. There is so much to be done and so much to improve on daily. I have goals, I have action plans, then… I have kids. My time is limited because chasing a toddler, entertaining him, and teaching him how to use the potty can all be a “bit” exhausting. Between cleaning one mess after another, cleaning up any potty training accidents, and just feeding the children… And dishes, oh the dishes.. It can feel a bit exhausting and mundane. After cleaning the play room then doing the dishes only to come back and see everything pulled out again with Milk dumped on the toys, then pee on the floor because my toddler had an accident, while the baby is crying because he is ready to be nursed and put down for a nap, it can be a “little” chaotic at times.

I am not saying having children is negative. I adore my children! It’s just sometimes difficult to be productive and do what I want to when I feel like doing it. When I make goals and want to get things accomplished I always seem to have to give my time to those things which in return takes that time away from my children. I have a good size list of goals. The reality of it is, I can not fit all those goals into my daily life right now with having young children. I found myself trying to accomplish everything on my list that in return I was tired, stressed out, grumpy, not happy, depressed, feeling hopeless, and helpless.  I was overwhelemed by the tasks that I needed to get done. I would feel like a failure when I wasn’t able to complete a job well enough. I felt like my mind could never rest. I know it’s important to have goals and know what they are and achieve them. I just had too many things on my plate. I was trying in my power to do this and that, and have a perfectly clean house, while potty training, while cooking every meal, while working out daily, while limiting tv time for my kids and I, while being more interactive with my children, while trying to be creative and teach Emmanuel crafts, while keeping the table and counters cleared, while trying to vacuum more, while keeping my kids happy, while keeping my husband happy, while growing spiritually, while trying to have personal development time for myself and read books that help me grow as a person, while, while, while. I was overwhelmed because I couldn’t keep up. One thing would get down while another mess was happening. I just broke down and cried. I can’t keep doing this. I’m burning out at each end and I’m miserable. I understand that I still need to do many of those things. I understand that some women can juggle is all. But I for one can not juggle it all. It might be done by super mom X but I’m simply Mary. I am not super mom X, and I shouldn’t compare myself to super mom X. I shouldn’t try to be super mom X, because God created me to be me, Mary. I was doing  so much that I wasn’t doing much well. I really feel like my family and children suffered the most while I went through this brief phase. I realized I was losing my cool with my children way more often and was consistently irritated by them if they interrupted what it was that I was trying to do, even if it was reading the Bible. I realized I wasn’t being a good mom to my children because I was too focused on the wrong things.

So I have made 3 goals to do daily and 5 goals to do weekly. It’s short and sweet and has made my life more enjoyable.

My 3 Daily Goals:

1. To love on my children. I know this sounds so simple but to set aside time and really just LOVE on them and show them how special they are. Take in those moments that they hug me and really hold them and soak it in. They’re growing so quickly.

2. To do something for myself daily. This can include, reading a chapter in a book, reading a chapter in the bible, worshiping Jesus, and working out. I do try to get in the word daily, but I don’t always and I have to give myself grace. Some days I can do all the above and some days I barely can do one.

3. Cook dinner and most days lunch for my  husband. I know this may sound like a “no brainier” but for me it has been a real struggle. I have never been much of a cook and not very good either. With lots of practice and trying new recipes I’m getting better!

I ofcourse try to clean the house, do laundry, and do dishes daily. But if I have to prioritize my day the 3 things above will take priority. For some people reading this may laugh that these are even daily goals of mine. For others, they will truly understand where I am coming from. Being a mommy to a 2 year old son and a 6 month old son can be a bit exhausting. Between nursing the baby every 2 hours in the day and 2-3 hours (on a typical night) in the night really can take a toll on my mind and body.

I know this is just the season that I am in, that is why I want to fully enjoy it and not stress over things. I have a tendency to want to be PERFECT at everything I do. But with that mindset I rarely get anything done and then just want to give up.

I need to rest in Jesus. I need to just live and love. I gave Emmanuel a hug / cuddle on the couch and just held him. I put my phone down and looked at him and just LOVED on him. I gave him kisses and he looked up at me with such a pure authentic love and joy. I’m embarrassed to say I haven’t done that in far too long of a time. Yes I’ve hugged him, but I haven’t just held him without distraction. I just soaked that love in and WOW, it filled me with such satisfaction. I need to just stop trying to do everything and be present in my children’s lives. I started focusing on my dreams and goals so much I took my focus off my present dream and goal, which is to be the best and most involved wife and mommy to my kids. Talk about eye opening. No more striving. Just living. ❤️

My identity is in Christ and him alone. But if people ask me about me, I will start off as saying I’m a mom. Because I am one proud mom. Not of my works but of my children. I purpose is to be a mom. I lost sight of that briefly for a week or two. Those were the hardest and most emotional weeks I’ve dealt with in a long time. It’s because I was trying to live life in a way that I personally wasn’t called to live, atleast not in this season. I am a mommy. I LOVE being mommy, and I want to live my life knowing that IS my purpose. That being a wife and a mother is enough. Why do we have to be more than that? Why do we feel like raising tiny humans and teaching them about Jesus and how to live life, is not enough of a fulfilling life or purpose? It is enough. I am enough. Because this is who GOD created me to be. I don’t need to find success in any other area of my life. If I succeed at raising Godly children and being a great wife. That IS all I need to feel satisfied. Jesus is all I need. God is my everything and I need to live the calling he has for me and that is to be me, a stay at home mom with big dreams and crazy messes.

I hope this can encourage some mom out there going through similar situations.

Oh I forgot about my weekly goals 😂

My weekly goals:

1. Work out 5 days a week

2. Do a craft with Emmanuel 3x a week

3. Take my kids outside (now that it’ll be getting cooler) atleast 3x a week

4. Do a play date atleast 1x a week

5. Spend some quality time with the hubby.

Oh and I’m always working on my spiritual growth but I decided that’s not a goal. It’s just my way of life 😉

Rest in Jesus.

“Let my soul be at rest again, for the LORD has been good to me.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭116:7‬ ‭NLT‬‬