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How I Became Mary Smith

Hey! Thanks for taking a minute to get to know me.

My Background:

I am a lover of Jesus, first and foremost. I was raised in a christian home, with parents who are radical believers. I was blessed to be raised in such a loving and God-fearing home. I had the honor and privilege to meet Jesus early on in my childhood. I was home schooled all through elementary to highschool. I was raised in a way that people referred to as “sheltered”. I used to see that as a negative term. Now as an adult, I see that me being “sheltered” was such a privilege, that I wish more children had the opportunity to be. I was spared from the craziness of the world and was able to experience childhood as an innocent wholesome young girl. I had an honest to goodness, GREAT childhood. I had and still have the best parents and relationship with my two older sisters and one younger brother.

I am not trying to brag. I’m just helping you understand where I came from. I was indeed blessed.

With a little knowledge of my background, I am going to share with you the struggles I did however still encounter.

Since I was home schooled, my friends were other homeschooled children from church. Sometimes that meant that my friends were my older sisters friends, or my younger brother’s friends. Sometimes it meant I was friends with a bunch of boys because in that season that’s who was homeschooled that we knew. I always desired true friendship with girls, that weren’t “just” my sisters. I do not take my relationship with my sisters for granite, they truly to this day are my BEST of friends.

I had a few close friends growing up, but life happened and they moved away or left the church and somehow never had much contact with them any longer. There was times it was hard making friends. The friends I did however make, tended to make jokes about me being sheltered, innocent, not knowledgeable, and calling me a “hart” girl. My maiden name is Hart. Us hart girls had these annoying reputation as “goody two shoe” as “one who never sinned” as the girls who don’t know how to have fun. It got old, really quickly. Although some of those statements were in fact true, I hated people pointing out that I was in fact different. I was set apart.

Elementary School age I didn’t deal with too much of this, but Middle school is where it all began.

I suffered with peer pressure as much as any other person. I suffered with self-image issues, just as much as the girl next door. I saw myself as sheltered, not knowledgeable, unlikable, different, weird, not good in speech, and goofy. I felt that people thought my personality was just too much. I am a very outgoing and extroverted person, but I still dealt with the insecurities of people not liking me. I wasn’t cool, I wasn’t allowed to dress immodestly. I didn’t feel beautiful, and I for sure didn’t feel sexy. I didn’t think boys would like me, and I didn’t know how to like boys. I was the awkward girl who punched the boy I liked and giggled about it. All while the pretty, sexy, confident, immodest girls just walked by and had boys chasing them. I had a lot of self-doubt. I was still a very happy and positive person, but behind closed doors I cried myself to sleep a lot.

Middle school aged was the worst. My two best friends moved away, and my other best friend didn’t see me as her best friend. I never felt truly excepted and I always felt I had to act differently to be liked. The problem with my theory was I wasn’t able to be different than who I was because I would become convicted by the Holy Spirit that I wasn’t suppose to be acting that way. So let’s skip ahead a little and get out of this depression age of mine.

Highschool Age

I was 14 years old, and finally started to make some really strong friendships. I was finally finding my place in the world and didn’t feel as much as an outsider. I had a few close friends in youth group and a few close friends in my home schooling groups. I was a little boy crazy to say the least. I didn’t have the confidence in the fact that I deserved to wait to date until I met my husband, I desired that but I was really looking for any attention given to me. I liked a few different boys at the time, and a few liked me back. We talked and that was that, I told them I was too young to date, etc. Then I met my ex boyfriend. I was almost 15, the summer before my august birthday. We started chatting at youth group then somehow online and on the phone. Before you knew it I had a boyfriend. I finally felt liked and accepted. I was so happy that a boy liked me! Little ole’ innocent, awkward, and sheltered me! I was thrilled. As time went on I started having more insecurities but they were new insecurities. I was so worried that my boyfriend would cheat on me, or like another girl ad break up with me. I started shutting out those beautiful friendships I had so long for desired. I started eliminating friends from my life if they posed any threat to my relationship with my boyfriend. I became so fearful of losing him I lost myself in the process. I started liking the things he liked, the things everyone knew I specifically always said I hated. Country Music and Sports I always despised, but since my ex was unhealthily obsessed with these things, I tried liking them. Our entire relationship was so unhealthy. I look back and wish we only were friends and would’ve avoided so many mistakes and hurt. Oh, by the way, I wasn’t allowed to date. I just started to become rebellious because I wanted to be liked so badly. My parents were strict with me hanging out with him and eventually as time went on allowed us to hangout under their supervision. We dated for 3 1/2 years y’all. That was pretty much all of highschool and a smidge of college. My parents and family told me over and over again that he wasn’t the right person for me. Not that he was a bad kid, but that he wasn’t right for me. They saw me changing and becoming less and less social, and as an extrovert they knew that wasn’t who I was. They saw my insecurities make my decisions. I still had a relationship with God, (praise Jesus! that saved me from making impure mistakes!) but I definitely had split focus. I always knew in my heart that everyone was right, and that he wasn’t the right man for me. Finally, shortly after our 3 year anniversary… I went to FWC’s special service with Daniel Eric Groves and God used him to speak to me. Basically Daniel Eric Groves was given a word of knowledge and prophecy for me. He read my mail so to speak. He said all the words I felt in my heart. Hopeless and Lost, I felt stuck, in too deep, and depressed. I knew I needed to end things, but I felt as if I was in the relationship too long to do so. I was committed for life. I couldn’t break things off now, everyone will say I told you so! I would be so embarrassed. I would be wrong. But God spoke to Daniel and Daniel spoke to me, he said a lot of things I needed to hear and he prophesied that in 5 months exactly there will be a major change in my life. A good change that will transform my life. I had no idea what it was but I held onto that hope. Many times in those 5 months I tried to break up with my ex. I tried to end things but I genuinely cared for him and didn’t want to hurt him. I knew there was no way I could break up with him without hurting him. I mean, we were best friends all of highschool, I wouldn’t just be losing my boyfriend I would be losing a my friend. I would’ve ended all those friendships in highschool for no reason if I ended things now. I had all the excuses. God kept pulling at the strings of my heart and December 2010 I knew it was time. More and more things happened to point in the direction of it being time. I wanted to wait til after christmas, I knew it would be too much for my ex if I ended it before christmas. So I’m waiting now. finally a few days after christmas into the new year we broke up. I couldn’t get the words out without crying so we “took a break”. By the end of January I knew I had to cut all ties. We can’t be friends. We can’t talk. We can’t see each other. We would fall back into old patterns when we tried to remain friends. I left the church. Not because I wanted to, because I knew wherever I went to church that I was solid in the word of God and my relationship with the Lord that I would never stray. I knew my ex needed the support and encouragement from the people at church especially being that he was a new believer. It was over. We shared a few texts messages for the next two months but that was it. It was over.

 

2011 – New Year – New Me – New Life

I started seeking after God’s heart. Miraculously God restored and healed my heart pretty quickly. After two weeks of being sad and emotional, I felt like myself again. I started spending more time with God and finding what he wanted me to do. I found myself in God, and followed the Holy Spirit.

I started attending a new church called Sovereign Grace Church.

They had a huge college and career group there. Many of the people my age all came out of being homeschooled! I finally felt like I fit in. They hosted an event about courtship. It was awesome. One of the guys there invited their friend to the event and his name was Mic Smith.
I was introduced to him and met a lot of other people for the first time. I didn’t think too much of my meeting him because I was more focused on finally making friends with girls who had Similar upbringings.
I made some wonderful friendships at that time. I finally was feeling like I was living freely from sin, from my past, from my mistakes, and from my insecurities. It was a long journey to get to this place but once I got there, wow, it was worth the bumpy and curvy road.
Over the course of the next few months the college and career aged people did a lot of fun events together. And I started to get to know Mic in this process. One of my girl friends started to talk to mic and they started to “date” for a brief two weeks. The thing is neither of them had licenses at the time so I drove them everywhere in those two weeks. So the only time alone they really had been with me there. Basically it wasn’t meant to be for them. They had nothing in common. But in that time I became closer friends with Mic, and we really enjoyed each others company. Before we knew it a month later we liked each other and started hanging out one on one more and in small groups of friends.
For those of you who don’t know, Mic Smith is my husband and father to two of our children. Don’t limit God. You never know where or how you’ll meet your future spouse.
While we were in the friend stage I made jokes about how we would never date even if he was the last man on earth. I went to him for guy advice about the guys in the church and whom I had a crush on. We were tight in our friendship. Our friendship grow deeply quickly, and before I knew it, april 1st 2011, we are hanging out one on one. By August we were in love with each other. By December 7th, 2011 we were engaged. By February 25, 2012 we were married.
In One year from not even knowing my future husband and coming out of a long relationship, I not only met my future husband and dated him, I married him.
When it’s God’s plan, it’s his plan.
Mic was and is the man who I needed in my life. He has his own story to tell you all of where he came from and how he is where he is now. He is a man after God’s heart, he is a spiritual leader, financial provider (with God’s provision of course), he is a hard worker, loving and caring person, and he truly brings such joy to my life. When we were dating there was just a point we both knew we were made for each other. The area’s in which I lack are his strengths, and the area’s in which he lack’s are my strengths. We truly were designed for one another. I am so thankful I listened to the Holy Spirit and followed the life God had set before me. I couldn’t even imagine missing the timing of meeting Mic when I did. Like who knew within one month of breaking up with my ex I would meet the love of my life. One thing I will tell anyone and everyone, highschool love is puppy love no matter how you look at it. Real love is a mature and healthy love. I didn’t have to bring all my insecurities into our marriage, I didn’t have to feel like I had to act a certain way. I knew the qualities and characteristics I wanted in a husband and I was dead set I was going to not date just anyone. I knew if I was to date someone again that I had to already have that deep friendship and communication established. It happened fast, but it was right. Some people may say I didn’t have time to discover who I was, or that I was too young to get married. Some people may have said, I was rebounding. Some people may have said or say a lot of things, but the thing was, I didn’t care what they had to say or how they perceived it. I was led by the Holy Spirit. I saw the potential in the qualities single Mic Smith held as a man after God’s heart. He wasn’t trying to please me, Mic was well established in the man of God that he is. We didn’t need each other per say, but we wanted to be with eachother. We weren’t unhealthily obsessed with eachother with insecurities, hurt, and the desire to be liked and accepted. We didn’t come into a relationship broken and hurt. We came into our relationship healed and made new in Jesus. We both were confidently living our individual lives and confidently being independent of eachother coming together as two 100% individuals. We weren’t coming together as 50% dependant individuals. We were made 100% with God. When God is first, second things are better.
Now we are happily Married for 4 1/2 years with two beautiful sons.
1 1/2 years into our marriage I became pregnant with our first son, Mic Emmanuel Smith. We call him Emmanuel. Now we have our second son, Malachi Jordan Smith. Emmanuel is 2, and Malachi is 6 months old.
There is so much more to all these stories but I wanted to share the highlights with you all of how I became Mary Smith. There is much more that goes into Mic and I’s dating experience with my parents and all that fun stuff, but that’s for another post, another day.