I’ve been that girl.

I’ve been the girl who walks into a room full of people and immediately felt anxiety.

The desire to be accepted was so strong that I feared being myself.

I was so consumed of worry and fear about how others perceived me that I allowed it to steal my joy.
Because I am a Christian, I choose do things differently then many.
I laugh at corny jokes instead of perverted ones.
I play charades instead of beer pong.
A girls night out for me is dressing up like a lady and eating delicious food and dessert with coffee.
My idea of a Friday night out, is dinner with my husband then walking around bass pro shop.

I am not here to judge others.
But this is simply ME.

I used to think that something was wrong with me for how uncomfortable I felt in those situations. I didn’t fit in. That no matter how hard I tried, I am not that kind of person who enjoys these kinds of activities. Its completely out of my comfort zone.

I’ve learned that it’s ok to not do those things and that I am not wrong for having a different opinion of what FUN is. Because when I did those things, I was left feeling very empty. What I had longed for to bring me acceptance actually enhanced my anxiety and put a magnifying glass on my differences.
I am not sitting here as a goody two shoes.

I’m sitting here telling you, I’ve tried.

It’s just not who I am. I will never be that girl and I’m honestly, finally OK with that.
I’m ok that my convictions are strong.
I’m actually thankful that they are.

I am simply me and I am finally liking who I am.

I used to believe the lie that because I lived differently, that I wasn’t liked or accepted. The truth of the matter was, I just never was myself around people in those sencerios, so how could anyone like the REAL me, if I’m clearly not comfortable showing it?

The more I live from a place of honesty, the more I’m relating to others and the easier it has been to get to deeper friendships.

God has created me uniquely for a reason. He has created me with a big heart, and a empathetic soul.

I’m learning that I wasn’t designed to be hard hearted, to be tough, to be harsh, or to have super strength.

I was designed to love deeply, feel strongly, be gentle, sensitive, and to be strong from within.

I am learning to embrace who God has created me to be.

It’s only taken me 26 years to start learning who that woman is.

So here I am. Transparent. Honest. Me.

I am Mary.